When it comes to learning to trust a partner and helping them learn to trust you, it’s important to ask hard questions. However, it’s also important to ask them at appropriate times. While it may be difficult to bring yourself to talk about certain things and you may hesitate to bring up topics that might be off limits in normal conversation, asking and answering these questions will give you a foundation of truth upon which you can build your loving relationship.

Ask the Questions

Sometimes, hard questions are simply the things you want to know about your partner but are afraid to ask. This can be questions about their past, including past relationships and family dynamics, and questions about their future, maybe focusing on their goals and aspirations. The thing that can make these questions hard is the actual act of asking them. When you’re used to a casual relationship with someone, questions like these automatically begin to take it to the next level. If your casual relationship is comfortable, it can be hard to make any move that might disturb that.

Additionally, if you ask these sorts of questions, you might find out things about your partner that are hard. Maybe he or she’s not completely over an ex, or their mother still causes problems in their life together. While you’ll have to work through difficult issues with any long-term partner, facing them can be difficult. Because asking hard questions means you’ll have to face these things, too. You might not be motivated to step up and do it, but its necessary in building a healthy and unbreakable relationship foundation. Especially if the situation is still fairly new or there are circumstances that limit the topics that can be brought up.

Answer Questions

You aren’t the only one in the relationship who needs to ask hard questions in order to build trust and develop a commitment. Your partner has a need to do so as well, and you should try to be open to the things he or she wants to know about you. It can be even harder to answer questions than it is to ask them. If there are aspects of your life that you know will be hard for your significant other or that you think might be hard for them to accept, answering questions that broach those subjects can cause fear and pain but also shows vulnerability you will see as an act of trust. A beautiful way to begin and even heal those things they or you are guarding so closely

There may also be moments in your past that are so painful you almost never talk about them. The thought of discussing them with anyone, let alone revealing them to someone whose good opinion you desire and value, can bring back the original pain in a forceful way. If your partner truly cares about you, revealing these things can cause them pain, as well. But, they will also see this as an avenue of building trust in each other.

In the end, though, you must talk about these things if you’re going to build real trust with your partner, not some fake shit for a seasonal passerby. If they’re willing to work through difficult issues and stand by you even when you’re mad and especially when you’re hurting, you will be more likely to want to commit to loving them for the long-run. The same is true for your partner. The conversations generated by asking hard questions can be some of the most valuable parts of your relationship. They can look scary and difficult before you have them, but afterward will be a level of fundamental trustful building blocks in your relationship.